I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
