I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
