Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
