You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
