____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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