my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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