That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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