You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
