So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
