So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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