No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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