Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
