he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
