just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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