the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
