when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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