My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
