You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we're so committed to being not committed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
