If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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