Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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