when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
