i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
