Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
