Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
