Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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