THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
