first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
