best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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