I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
