Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
