This beer is not sobering me up at all
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
