my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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