How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
