Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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