Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
