You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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