WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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