I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
