I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
