I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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