i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
