wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
