a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
