normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
