I just made out with a guy for $7.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
