I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
