Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
