my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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