that's an acceptable place to lick
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
