As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
