Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
