a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
