Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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