there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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